dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Even my vagina gasped.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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