So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
