There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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