Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize