Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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