my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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