Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
