i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
