i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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