You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
