i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
