he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
