So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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