Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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