I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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