I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
