i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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