His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Two words: nipple clamps
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