i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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