there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
