Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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