fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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