now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
