omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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