She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
me + whiskey = a bad person
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
