this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
