Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
