Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
