My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
