I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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