How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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