I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
