Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
