I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
