Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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