He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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