Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
