she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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