I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
