Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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