..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
