: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
