This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
