PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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