I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
