What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
