what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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