I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
