Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
