based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
