Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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