At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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