They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
40s are totally the cure
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
