also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
