So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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