She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Someone signed my nipple.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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