I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
