$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Houston, we have a blender
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
