its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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