and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
