How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
