Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
