I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
