Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
