ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
