You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sex in a hospital.. check
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
