i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
