I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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