Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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